Kaya Scodelario is the 2nd most Beautiful person next to Jessica Szohr.

5.15pm, Goodmorning. It's Tuesday..I hate Tuesdays and Sundays. Today i will sieze the day! Ruth is all about "SIEZING THE DAY" now. I've always wanted to go somewhere if it rained earlier in the day, which is great. Cause I've created a To-Do List. Keeps me busy. Also, my bestfriend will be leaving in a week..and returns only 6 weeks after. I will miss her during the miserable 6 weeks. I secretly know while she is gone, she will be worried for me...haha.

It feels much better to know that you won't feel a thing.

today i found something so true from a blog i read, and i quote: "I think majority of what I feel right now is pointless and a total waste of energy cause nothing can come out of ANYTHING. None of it. Space won’t heal, this I know for sure...False hope is no hope"


now i'm heading out, tie dye shirt on. with only one song playing in my head.. "every little thing's gonna be alright!". This optimism only lasts for about 2-3 hours...whywhyyyyywhyyy

7th March please come quick. you seem to be my only escape.

I am heaven sent,
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted..
What all the other girls all promised.

Alanis Morissette is a god. I wonder what was running through her mind when she was writing You Oughta Know. It is one badass songggg love it. c:

the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.

the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.

the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.

the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.

the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.

half is not whole.

but now we must make it so.

Almost 3 years of hardwork..but I never thought it would've come down to this. Kind of feels like how I put in 5 years of studying and got shit results. These disappointments. They drive you to the brink of fucking insanity. And now I'm just so burnt out..with no one to turn to at the end of the day. Because the frustration in letting the one you love leave is never knowing if they'll return. The waiting, the suspense, the what if's, and what could've been. But i guess it's just one fat Happy New Year. You work so hard just to get shit thrown in your face. You get fucked up heartless, selfish, inconsiderate adults screwing you over. I know what we did was for the right reasons, but it feels so wrong. And the only thought that i go over and over and over in my head is I Love You.

this is killing me. eyes, please shut. and mind, stop thinking.

Yeah yeah yeah's tomorrow, and Cat power the day after! *yes yes yes*

How I wish everything was simple
How I wish everything didn't end in lies
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
How I wish I could be more like me
When I didn't have to worry about myself
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry

Right now I am complicated
Right now I am giving this heart away
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
Right now I'm the walking wounded
Mind set on getting out alive
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

I should just let go
I should just let go

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

"I was careful not to change you
But I kinda blamed you
For planning the future out
Was careful to trust you
But I know I ignored you
But you're what I cared about.
The planning stopped.

I was careful...

And it's my fault
My fault
My fault
The planning stopped."-Windmill.

I feel like i deserve to know everything...
But i can't decide what i hate more.
You.
Or what you've done to us.

and even as my blood is boiling and racing, there is nothing i can do

Without trust, you're lost.

i
am
lost

"Memories fade,
like looking through a fogged mirror
Decisions to decisions are made and not fought
But I thought,
this wouldn't hurt a lot.
I guess not."

I told you this song would be good for 2010.

I was suppose to get up with jackie an hour ago to send sarah off, but my best friend bailed on me. Then I ended up going for breakfast with my cousin. Had macs 3 days in a row already!! Decided to go for macs cause we didn't know if we could microwave a pao right from the fridge....but we found out soon after we did it and it came out of the microwave hard as a rock.It's been such a long time since i've actually had an actual person to talk to in the house. Besides my mum. And i need to get a job, everyone's starting school soon.

au revoir sarah! have a blast, you are the lucky few that managed to escape this terrible place for a long time. xo

will be getting my results in approx. 8 days.
But, fuck that shit. it's 2010


fun fact of 2010: Tash is the pyscho type of girlfriend.

This is a case of "what tash doesn't know can't hurt her"

Time to get drunk! Happy new year.

December 22. 9 more days until this year ends. And honestly, I can't wait. 2009 has been a crazy ass ride with wonderful ups and terrible downs. If anything, I would like to take away only the good memories. The one's that included me having a functional 4 piece family, the parts of the year when I thought "This is it. This is the happiest I will ever be." I've learnt that you can fall in love with the same person more than once. That people change people. People change because of love, drugs, music.
That death REALLY means the end...that your family will never be the same again without this one person. I don't know what I truely feel about this year coming to an end. Not sadness or happiness. Maybe just relief. Because all the terrible things that happened can be put away forever. And the new year means new beginnings. That despite everything, you know you can always start again.


GAHHHH i hate being emo.hahaha ok so Merry Christmas to everyone in advance!

lovelove

get me out of here
get me out of here
get me out of here
would you get me out of here?

Somewhere between the penance & the patience
You drift with every word they say
Somewhere between the penance & the patience
I think we've lost our way

aaaaah, my birthday wish my birthday wish my birthday wish

I have edited this post 3 times since I first wrote it. All about the same thing. This will be the last time I am going to edit.
I had a great morning, so great I don't want to sleep! You trust me. So I need to trust you on this one. I hope this doesn't end with disappointment screaming a big "FUCK YOU" in my face. Slowly but surely, I will let go. So come what may! Brave heart GEDEGAH!

My Birthday is coming and I only have one 1 wish. I know the chances of this one are slim..but I hope someday someone, anyone will prove me wrong. Until then, I am holding on.

Wonderbored says: theres my self esteem like a bag of innocent potatoes and there you are
Wonderbored says: busting it up like a pinata


if i laugh anymore, i just might get a heart attack and die.hahaha

keep your heart close to the ground.

"Well this side of, mortality is
Scaring, me, to death. To death."

In my head is your face, when you said "I can't lose you".

Later today I will be staying over at nes's! FINALLY it's been too long since we got up at 3pm together with chuckie inbetween. *yes yes yes*

So, today I discovered how much I hate Sundays. It's the laziest day of the week, and somehow I always end up doing something alone. Like tonight. Everyone has a family dinner/things with friends/goodbye parties ect... And in the words of keith: Can't you stay at home for one night?....See the truth is, I can't. In fact HOME is the where I feel out of place. I love coming home when everyone's a sleep. I come home to no akwardness. Today I woke up at 5, my house noisy as hell filled with people..they are all still here actually. I can take this. I can take this. I can take this.

I'm going out to watch a movie now.

Bye.

i feel like -

James Jean

3 am today.

"...how do you get people like this out of your life?"

"these people won't get out of your life.they haunt you all the fucking time. it'll never go away no matter how hard you try. you gotta deal with it"

best fucking advice since foreverrrrr

I've pretty much been wasting my life away over the past two weeks. And it feels great! Christmas is coming tho it feels nothing like it. And i've been so broke. Like i need a job, but i'm waiting for ruth to get down then we'll look together. Then there's yoga and a bunch of other stuff. So many people looking forward to meet you :P OH something terrible is wrong with my toe! It's mega retarded. I can't move the top half... :( I had a frightening experience last night too, one I hope will NOT be used against me if not i'll just die. And i've been watching so much Gossip Girls...yes, i have been sucked in too.

545 in the morning..i just got off the phone with kyla. i love how she always picks up the at the first call. caught up with twiggy just now too, i laughed so hard and teared.haha enjoying my holidays pretty well. gahhh im hungry. fml. and 1 more week till i see ruth. miss herrr can't stand being away from her.

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to the wrong tendencies
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day of the wrong week
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique

There's something wrong with me chemically
Something wrong with me inherently
The wrong mix in the wrong genes
I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means
It was the wrong plan
In the wrong hands
The wrong theory for the wrong man
The wrong eyes on the wrong prize
The wrong questions with the wrong replies

Happy Birthday Nes!
I love you.
i hope you enjoyed you little ambush. c:

It's Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck secondary school. I'm done. RELIEF.

"You look like I did. You resist me just like this."-Careful.
I am so inlove with this song...it's been on repeat for the last...12 hours.haha
1 week for you and you're done too, and ruth will be down in like...2 weeks? :)
End of the year is coming. So determined for it to end well, cause it's been one hell of a ride.
OKOK CELEBRATING AFTER 3pm!

V

You can't be too careful anymore
When all that is waiting for you
Won't come any closer
You've got to reach out a little more

you traitor you hypocrite everything nasty is you

for ruth, i know you miss me! I mizz you too. Stay happy

'Cause the chances are one in a million
That I'll ever find a love like this again
So you have to hold on to me baby
I will never find another one like you
But I hope that I can keep the demons away and the fire alive
I hope that they think that its hard to put out
And I hope that you know that I love you the most and it's always been you
But in a world like this is, it's so hard to be true

i found this

He took my heart. I think he took my soul.

"if you were a box, i'd take out sadness"
"can i add things into the box?"
"yeah sure"
"if you were a box, i'd put in strength"

This is what i'm here for. (& right now as you're reading this. I am thinking of you.)

who is the most beautiful person you know?

"I know the right thing to do..but i just can't do it"

"Do whatever you need to do, whatever your heart can take. Don't listen to your head."

"I just want everything to work out so so badly."

"Everything will my darling, remember..life is like waves it always comes crashing down. Don't give up, like i said, god only gives this to us cause he knows you can handle it. Just be rational. Everything will work out, even if it's not the way you want it to. Just accept it."

Love and some verses you hear
say what you can't say
love to say this to your face, "I'll love you only"
from your changing contentments,
what will you choose for to share?
someday drawing you different,
may I be weaved in your hair?

sometimes you watch something fall apart

you ache, heartbreak

but there is nothing you can do

So you sit, and you wait

for the biggest fall

me and kyla are high together, at different places. On the phone...her voice sounds godlike. hahaha taking shots was a terrible idea. i only had 1 meal today. oh, o levelz in 4 days. have imentioned? i am in love my mouth tastes funny time to pass out

I just can't look its killing me

And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea

Swimming through sick lullabies

Choking on your alibis

But it's just the price I pay

Destiny is calling me

Open up my eager eyes

Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I love so much, it consumes me

They say.....keep your friends close,but keep your enemies closer. How in the world do people do that?haha.

You're rummaging through the cabinet, bottle after bottle, label after label, everything's falling..
But you're only looking for a phrase. When you find it you feel like you've hit the motherload.
"May cause drowsiness"

I am a misfit. Somedays like yesterday,

I was completely off balance.

my pedicure is already ruined and this 32 degree heat is driving me insane
sarcasm here sarcasm there sarcasm everywhere

ABOUT
40 more sleeps to freedom,
59 more sleeps until i see Ruth again
84 more sleeps to christmas
90 more sleeps to new years eve

two years ago you'd call me at this time. you'll listen to me complain about my day, comfort me
no tv, no laptop, just you on your hammock. Me on the phone. all your attention
right now you're out, you're happy. So i'm happy
tonight no one's answering my calls..and for the first time in a long time i feel lonely
the best part of my night used to be on the phone with you for hours..
now i speak to jackie for half an hour, you for twenty minutes.
"i love you.bye"
now the best part of my night is my pill, sends me into a daze..
weightless

i've excepted change, got over that a long time ago. But sometimes i miss..i shouldn't start, but you know which my fav year was. BUT. people change..time inevitable..i'll get by. This is me thinking. My sleeping pill is suppose to make me stop obsessing.
goodnight V

I think that we've got what it takes, to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.
We begin, breathe in.
Here's our chance to go for something.
Every action needs a reaction
we'll figure it out and make it happen

I've had 2 good days...it's so nice to just be with you.
I didn't quite want it to end. Now, I just need to make you see that we are good together

It's so much easier to have someone to blame,
someone with real feelings and real thoughts doing real actions.
I shouldn't, but i hate. loathe. despise.

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

You fight for the one you love. You save the things you can.

& that is exactly what i'm doing.

Not losing this battle.

Not losing this war.

And every day

I pray to god

that you and me

were meant to be.

i'm only truely happy if i know he loves me so

Tonight my music is loud, it is to drown all my thoughts away...it's working
I shouldn't feel scared. I shouldn't, i shouldn't. because we will pull through. we have to. we always do.
If we don't what the fuck will i have left what the fuck will i have left

empty like how my stomach feels right now because i haven't been eating properly for days
anxiety attack i think. i should go to the doctors they can give me pills. good pills..to calm me.
I should start yoga again thats good you know keeping myself busy
i shouldnt have time to think if not something is wrong means i'm way to free
maybe i need to smoke teach me how to r o l l

dear god help please you may choose to ignore but this time i need all the help i can get because i feel like everything might leave me, and it would be nice if you were on my side(just this once)

i will break my own heart

Me being the most total fucktard, destroying everything i touch along the way....why can't i be perfect. Like the models in the magazines. They look fine, healthy. My body's been a total wreck i eat half a meal a day and i take in only liquids lately. Today i finally had time with nes c: tomorrow morning im going to be with him too c: I heard saosin's new album is good so im gonna check it out nowwww xx lately i've been talking to god, i told him he has no reason to answer any of my prayers. But i still prayed for me to work hard, and for time to fly..

What's love without a little hurt?

the best part of my week is when i go over, and crawl into your bed..you smell my hair, kiss me, and we sleep
(BUT THIS TIME BEFORE WE SLEEP, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU)

MANAGE ME. I'M A MESS. My whole week have been doing by crazily i've been so damn burnt out. My time table has been exams until 330(latest) i rush home for tuition until 6, and then i'm expected to study until i'm dead. But all i really want is to spend my time with one person...nes tells me hang in there, i'll be with him all the time when i'm done with my exam. That is one of my biggest challenge of all. Away from him for the longest time i feel the tug but its ok i will work hard and enjoy the fruits of my labour afterwards. hahaha about 2 more months until the torment is over BE STRONG& i've been having eating problems i can;t eat as much as i could...although im fucking hungry. body why must you break down nowwww itsnlkjgnsleiuthnlekjtnbsliruthns
maybe i should purposely act sick so nes will have no choice but to come and visit me at home!!!! hahaha i love you babe
im so happy on this cloud 9..oh please last forever, i've been a real spoiler lately and i cannot afford to destroy everything i touch

1150pm but i gotta head for my physics now..STAY GOLD
TO RUTH:
hey baby, i know this is probably one of the hardest times for you over there. but you know you will ALWAYS have Jackie, Nelle and me to talk to. always. dont give up yet, you are the most beautiful i know. be strong too ok? with love, from the little red dot
call me if anything I WILL BE YOUR ROCK

"My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I'd die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer."



nostalgic.

that's what you get when you let your heart win

this whole week I've been anticipating friday..I may be on my holiday right now but i swear TGIF. Tomorrow me and nes will be on the longest ride in the bus to his place but i always love it because he makes me listen to his favourite songs in his ipod (even though i resist again and again he sometimes shoves it in my ear still) Also, i will finally be able to finally relax in the company of all my good friends..I have finally accepted the nearness of my exams and the fact that i have almost 2 months to work my butt off. Not forgetting my tiny tiny cousin, Happy Birthday c:

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it.
(Anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet).
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true).
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows -
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
- and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart:

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Party all night and sleep all day, and throw of all my problems away..then life would be easy..easy..

But not in reality. In reality I got 3/4 left of my Biology to complete, and whole lit book to re-read. In reality, maths is going to be a bitch to even JUST pass. In reality i'm not sure if I can get an A1 for accounts anymore. Common Ruth and Nes kick my butt i need it. MAKE ME WORK! i need too so so so so badlyyyyyyyyy. Today i heard one of my uncle's going to Maldives for a holiday in December. I am sosossososososososososososososososososososo fucking jealous. I've always wanted to go there. ALWAYS the private glass huts in the middle of the ocean. I want it. $4000 for 6 days, i say totally worth it...omg and the drama happening here is crazy beyond belief..everyone needs to be cured

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

e. e. cummings

someone like you

Goodmorninggggggg it's 8am and i'm pretty late for school already. Just wanna dive right into my bed but i'm fucking resisting.
Went for Nine Inch Nails last night..fkin awesome. But today i return to school to collect my exam papers. Ok ive got a long day ahead god please help me not pass out

i want to move into nes's house since im already there 3/4 of the time when im not in school :(((((((

love, lust, lies& us
you choose,
you chose

and its impossible to tell
how important something was
and what you might've missed out on
and how it might've changed it all
and did I, did I....

Always and forever more,

And together getting lonely

I thought i couldn't do this without you

I can't do this without you

I stand outside under broken leaves

I know I can't do without

the future's drowned away

You are a believer, I am not

Ruth came down over the weekend and surprised me and Janelle. We almost died but im so happy still cant believe she's here!
My first prelims are about to begin in less than a week, and i am fucked for I have not started studying....ok maybe physics. But 2 pages don't count. Looking forward to 3 months when i'll be free for (hopefully) 9 months. Ok! gotta run 2 and half hours of maths nowww someone please save me!!!

It's just a shame
My hand just kills and kills
There's gotta be an end to that
There's gotta be an end to that

Saying goodbye always means the end. Final. but what if you never want it to end? What if you enjoy every moment of it? What if there's nothing like it? How can you say goodbye?

I need something to slow down time, give me something, anything..

So our king of pop is dead, we just lost one of the best performers in the world..even though he was acused of being a pedo and all that jazz, this man broke bariers. Racial bariers. During his time he was one of the best musicians, and that is what we will always remember most about him. So he could've been a pedo, we'll never know..but one thing's for sure. His music was honest.
RIP M.J

my boyfriend got a job, which is awwwwesome

but that means it leave me lonely from 6pm-4am every other day. Also i have 5 more days until my holiday ends...unless the quarantine thing starts in my school. haha

I have the worst throat everrr my family insists it is the lack of sleep...but i secretly know it's been the smoking.

while my best friend has been away in korea and left me here to fend for myself, a lot of shit has been happening in her life so i am here ready and waiting for her to come back and be her shoulder to lean on! ok im off to take a bath at 125 in the morningggg

adioz

sh-sh-shouldn't need anyone, but i need you.

today i had a good time with my boyfriend

We walked all the way to Henderson wave...tiring, but believe me its so beautiful!

My holidays now and im trying to have the mostest fun! haha

Well i still can't stop shopping online,

i just bought the most classic cream and white dress ever

haha shittttttt $$$ is a bitch

SOSOSO ANBERLIN is fkin comming down again for baybeats!!!!!!!!!

sorry ruth i won't speak of baybeats.

but no i am excited! i love anberlin!

the 'feel good' drag, paperthin hyme, adelaid!

me and jackie are so gonna memorise the lyrics so we can sing along

(as usual.......)

ok what am i doing up at 3am? my mum wants to wake me up at 9am

for the family outing and lunch and bla bla

you know the drill.....so i cant wait for my best friend to get back

from fucking korea...north korea is starting to push my buttons

btw on this whole nuclear testing shit.

ok so i will see you soon! V

lovelove

I know christmas happens to be 6 months away...but i'm just looking at Mikey's christmas album from last year. Every year I admire mikey's family during christmas. They're all about giving...they buy real christmas trees that reach the ceiling and everytime i walk into their house it's that pine smell, christmas carols playing on the radio they've got like tons and tons (and trust me i am not kidding) of presents around their tree and their house is always filled with people. ++++The food is like A M A Z I N G. Call me the grinch or whatever but every year my christmas is ruined by like little things but i look forward to it EVERY damn year but i am always let down. haha I got everyone i love around me but it ALWAYS falls short of something. Every damn year i try to make it right but still it doesn't turn out the way i want it to. haha

yes..i am the grinch

LOVE, SAVE THE EMPTY.

last night,Andrea's birthday at st jamez

right now i've got twisty funny feelings in me...why is Saggitarius known for "one night stands" and "living in the moment" and "freedom fighters". Im going to watch skins to distract me. No. maybe sleep. But my stomach is twisting....this life changing experience..its 2.24 in the morning. I hope i feel sleepy soon..

"this is so strange"
"because i feel that i am very altered"
"but at the same exact time,"
"i am closer to the real me, the real me who decides who i am, the entire me"

"....before i lose you love."

"This was never the way I planned..not my intention. I got so brave, drink in hand...lost my discretion"






Friday was Time Out with the girls..fun, and Ruth was with us(in spirit) haha
"OK GUYS, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LETS THINK ABOUT RUTH FOR A MOMENT..SHE IS WITH US IN SPIRIT"
We had a few vomitting cases..*ahem* We will probably all be doing this again some time soon.

I can't wait to spend my holidays with my boyfriend.GOD please make 2 weeks fly

my favourite part from I Kissed A Girl:
Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

90 years, you have lived your life to the fullest. And finally you get to be with the people you love up there..
your house is filled with pictures of the family and i never realised how much you loved us until now
as you got older, you started calling me "lucrisha" but i will remember that name always because only you call me
thanks for the memories the stories you always told me when i went over (that i always enjoyed)
you always worried about all of us but now it is your time to rest.
thank you for all that you've done

and when they sell your house a small part of me will die because that is your house..the house that we all grew up in
i will miss everything that came along with you.

so here's to you, beautiful and strong. I will always look up to.
and even though i never said it out loud..I love you

I AM FALLING INLOVE ALL OVER AGAIN

"only if the rest of my body could be like my butt cheeks..perky and solid"

"did you just smack your ass?"

"yes"

hahahahaha i love you

NES.

Things i've been up to lately....

1. Addicted to Misery Signal's Anchor
2. Tomorrow I intend on cutting my hair (I've never been one to dwell on bad haircuts, cause well, it grows back. all the time.)
3. HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN RUTH'S BIRTHDAY that's comming this Saturday (haven't forgotten you tit! mention you most of the time when i'm talking to Nes)
4. My family went to Bali over this long weekend..and 'forgot' to call me :((
5. I'm slowly losing my motivation to study because well all this talk about the year ending in 2012 is making me think "why waste my time?"
6. I managed to keep 50 bucks till the weekend, and i just blew it on food and cigarettes....
7. Lately been extreamly addicted to peanut butter (On bread, without butter. Love the sticky dry rich feeling/taste in my mouth)
8. recently discovered my hate for public transport because of all the morons that keep stepping on my foot 'accidentally'
9. also discovered my addiction to shopping online...and off. haha
10. Have been trying to motivate my boyfriend to do his work.. (but i am a hypocrite because i am not motivated myself)

& If I don't make it online on saturday, HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY RUTH! WISH YOU WERE HERE, AND WE ALL LOVE YOU VERY MUCH :]

from the pplz of singapore V

"When you see something from afar, you develop a fantasy. But when you see it up close, 9 times out of 10,  you wish you hadn't."

I am amazed by this movie..some might put it down but it is just beautiful. Wicker Park.

Monday Coldplay was amazing! will definately go again if they come back..though this is their 3rd time already.haha
I absolutely loved it when they played Fix You, and everyone was singing and tht stars and the lights..i would GIVE to rewind and go back to monday.perfect....So the second semester of school just begun and its gonna be pretty hectic B cuz its one semester away from prelim(which is super early this year..like July?) So i need to work my ass off, quit being so damn lazy and stop spending Tuesday nights watching back to back episodes of 90210..and Lipstick jungle. haha

If anything. ANYTHING, i would just ask for more time..with me and nes so busy, i dont know :(((

"tears stream down your face, i promise you i will learn from your mistakes. tears stream down your face and I will try to fix you"

HI RUTH, SORRY I TOOK SO LONG

 and I read through the email, very very helpful!

Coldplay tomorrowwwww omg omg omg yay cannot wait! But school's starting tomorrow too..I am beyond ready. Don't even get me started on my damn undone holiday homework. haha Hopefully I didnt fail my English Common Test! Tomorrow we will see..ok time for sleep 

Chris Martin, here i come!!! V

if my life is for rent, and i dont learn to buy it
well i deserve nothing more than i get
cause nothing i have is truely mine

The week's holiday has started for me, and I only want to spend it with this one person.

So this tuesday is 2 years: if love is a drug I want to OD

You know i've been thinking, when I do die, i want to be cremated and my urn will be nicely decorated by Nes and placed inside my home..haha I figured I would wanna be around the ones I love all the time. haha i get bored sometimes ok I've been motivated to study!!! My boyfriend gave me a verbal lashing yesterday on how I waste my time caring about unimportant things and people. and I AGREE. So from today onwards till the rest of my life, it won't be ALL about me, and i will look up to mother theresa because she was all about giving and i need to be "all about giving" because being a bitch takes too much time and skill!!!!! i am having zombie cravings. shit. time to watch zombie vids on youtube. V

FOR RUTH:  Hi tit, i've been trying to upload pictures of Elijah for you but blogger's being a real bitch right now so i'll try tomorrow. CALL ME xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxo

"I don't expect anything"

hi! the baby is out, he is tiny. He is Elijah...and he also shocks me. He has like golden hair, dark green eyes and he is so fair. Totally not what I expected..haha My stepdad is now watching Golden Girls hahaha i am going to die of laughter.

ok i  have a rough day tomorrow! I will post more pictures of the baby for you soon, ruth

missing you

Ok, i have am having a massive panic attack! my mum is going to deliver to a baby boy tomorrow and i am getting twisty funny feelings in my stomach. like knots..like the kind before you get your national results kind of feeling..the feeling...is taking over...
the feeling of being alone for the past 16 years of my life. the i-can't-have-a-sibling feeling not now, not ever.
my mum's voice is jumpy! she is nervous too. but no, its only(ever) always been me and her. i could burst into a serious outrage of tears now i am not ready. give me another 9 months please? all i need is another 9 months

sqeeezing all my thoughts into the back of my brain(my hand is literally shaking)..actually i can see me and my stepdad actually being very panicky when the moment arrives. I can totally picture my mum screaming in the background telling us to "GET TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!" and me and gavin running to the car and doing our checks before we drive to the hospital

Me: "ok, mum's bag?"
Gavin: "check."
"mum's toiletries?"
"check"
"baby's new born clothes?"
"check"
"mum's massage thingy that she uses?"
"check"
"mum's.....ok i think we're all set...OMG WHERE IS MUM?"

so we run up to the house and see she's on the couch screaming "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU HOW COULD YA'LL FORGET ME!!!!"

omg. nightmare. worst than dreaming of zombies.