today i found something so true from a blog i read, and i quote: "I think majority of what I feel right now is pointless and a total waste of energy cause nothing can come out of ANYTHING. None of it. Space won’t heal, this I know for sure...False hope is no hope"


now i'm heading out, tie dye shirt on. with only one song playing in my head.. "every little thing's gonna be alright!". This optimism only lasts for about 2-3 hours...whywhyyyyywhyyy

7th March please come quick. you seem to be my only escape.

I am heaven sent,
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted..
What all the other girls all promised.

Alanis Morissette is a god. I wonder what was running through her mind when she was writing You Oughta Know. It is one badass songggg love it. c:

the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.

the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.

the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.

the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.

the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.

half is not whole.

but now we must make it so.

Almost 3 years of hardwork..but I never thought it would've come down to this. Kind of feels like how I put in 5 years of studying and got shit results. These disappointments. They drive you to the brink of fucking insanity. And now I'm just so burnt out..with no one to turn to at the end of the day. Because the frustration in letting the one you love leave is never knowing if they'll return. The waiting, the suspense, the what if's, and what could've been. But i guess it's just one fat Happy New Year. You work so hard just to get shit thrown in your face. You get fucked up heartless, selfish, inconsiderate adults screwing you over. I know what we did was for the right reasons, but it feels so wrong. And the only thought that i go over and over and over in my head is I Love You.

this is killing me. eyes, please shut. and mind, stop thinking.

Yeah yeah yeah's tomorrow, and Cat power the day after! *yes yes yes*

How I wish everything was simple
How I wish everything didn't end in lies
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
How I wish I could be more like me
When I didn't have to worry about myself
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry

Right now I am complicated
Right now I am giving this heart away
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
Right now I'm the walking wounded
Mind set on getting out alive
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

I should just let go
I should just let go

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

"I was careful not to change you
But I kinda blamed you
For planning the future out
Was careful to trust you
But I know I ignored you
But you're what I cared about.
The planning stopped.

I was careful...

And it's my fault
My fault
My fault
The planning stopped."-Windmill.

I feel like i deserve to know everything...
But i can't decide what i hate more.
You.
Or what you've done to us.

and even as my blood is boiling and racing, there is nothing i can do

Without trust, you're lost.

i
am
lost

"Memories fade,
like looking through a fogged mirror
Decisions to decisions are made and not fought
But I thought,
this wouldn't hurt a lot.
I guess not."

I told you this song would be good for 2010.

I was suppose to get up with jackie an hour ago to send sarah off, but my best friend bailed on me. Then I ended up going for breakfast with my cousin. Had macs 3 days in a row already!! Decided to go for macs cause we didn't know if we could microwave a pao right from the fridge....but we found out soon after we did it and it came out of the microwave hard as a rock.It's been such a long time since i've actually had an actual person to talk to in the house. Besides my mum. And i need to get a job, everyone's starting school soon.

au revoir sarah! have a blast, you are the lucky few that managed to escape this terrible place for a long time. xo

will be getting my results in approx. 8 days.
But, fuck that shit. it's 2010


fun fact of 2010: Tash is the pyscho type of girlfriend.