Ok, i have am having a massive panic attack! my mum is going to deliver to a baby boy tomorrow and i am getting twisty funny feelings in my stomach. like knots..like the kind before you get your national results kind of feeling..the feeling...is taking over...
the feeling of being alone for the past 16 years of my life. the i-can't-have-a-sibling feeling not now, not ever.
my mum's voice is jumpy! she is nervous too. but no, its only(ever) always been me and her. i could burst into a serious outrage of tears now i am not ready. give me another 9 months please? all i need is another 9 months

sqeeezing all my thoughts into the back of my brain(my hand is literally shaking)..actually i can see me and my stepdad actually being very panicky when the moment arrives. I can totally picture my mum screaming in the background telling us to "GET TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!" and me and gavin running to the car and doing our checks before we drive to the hospital

Me: "ok, mum's bag?"
Gavin: "check."
"mum's toiletries?"
"check"
"baby's new born clothes?"
"check"
"mum's massage thingy that she uses?"
"check"
"mum's.....ok i think we're all set...OMG WHERE IS MUM?"

so we run up to the house and see she's on the couch screaming "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU HOW COULD YA'LL FORGET ME!!!!"

omg. nightmare. worst than dreaming of zombies.