williamtopp.tumblr.com

i dont want to be here anymore
i dont want to be here anymore
i dont want to be here anymore

"i'm still alive but i'm barely breathing. just praying to a god that i don't believe in."


my family in the wessssssssst :'(

dear whoever, i just had the worst week of my life. and now all i want is the same support from my family and friends....and i can't even have that. god knows when all of this will end.

i like how they have a xylophone

I am a wreck. My mum just came into the room hoping or trying to make small talk with me. Cause she's seen me only an hour in 2 days? And I couldn't even come up with 1 thing to talk to her about. She asked me like 3 questions and I answered mostly with "yes" or "no"s. I am (probably) by far the most horrible person you know. I make mistakes and break hearts. I wish I was more careful. I should be. From today I will try. Be more mindful of other people's feelings. I hurt the people I love the most. And that is just sick. So to everyone i've ever hurt and to anyone I will hurt in the future, I am terribly sorry. Wow, just had to get it out.haha

the lyrics for the chorus of this song is crazy.

This morning I received a letter from my grandfather. Which is kind of weird cause I see him like what, every other day? So before I opened the letter the note outside said: "Tash! If ever you want to be a singer (this is the song)", In terrible hand writing btw. When I finally got to the letter it was lyrics to one of my oldest most favourite song ever. And it's odd cause only my grandfather knows I love that song. Marley Purt Drive by the Bee Gees. It's kind of like having a private joke with someone. Fun.

this songgg this songgg goosebumps and jelly

So far March has been extreamly good to me. Paramore was absolutely awesome and Placebo I'm two more days:D I've been having an ENORMOUS amount of fun and everything's just been falling into place. Fingers crossed on things staying this way for as long as possible. My Australia trip has been made better thanks to my boyfriend's iPod! Tanks X100000000 but that just leaves him travelling without music :/ Oh but the most things that I've enjoyed about this trip are the views. I've had the more killer ones during the roadtrip. And the artsy side of Perth owns the city side any day. My parents are contemplating moving here, but I told them under no circumstances will I move here. I love too many people back here and the food and the freedom.haha I leave tomorrow night! I miss everyone already.

xoxox
listen to the xx please! they're beyond awesome.

"So here you are in pieces
trying to prove to us it's real
The softness of your smile
and the lies you want to feel
And the scales beneath your skin
are showing off today
There's evil in your heart
and it wants out
There's evil in your heart
and it wants out to play
There's evil in your heart"-Paramore.

I could listen to this song over and over and over....In a week, Paramore will be here. And hopefully, (fingers crossed) they will play this song next week.

would most likely (80% sure), cry when placebo plays this song live.
"a heart that hurts is a heart that works"


Hi!!! feeling happy tonight, 3.06am. I think it's the thought of my holiday. In 12 sleeps I will be on the plane to Perth. Where I will stay 2 nights in, then I will be flying off to Sydney to meet Ruth!! c: for about 3 days maybe. Then fly back to Perth for another 3 days to celebrate my brother's first birthday. Then take an amazing roadtrip for 3 days, stay in Perth for another day and come back to this sunny island just in time for Placebo. March will be my favourite month of 2010. "Adventure Kia.".

"Dear God, I need strength, patience and self control. But it's okay. I don't need love, don't give me love. I've got too much of it. I want to give it away."

I will be nobody's number 2.

I'm sorryyyyy I couldn't find a proper video. But the lyrics is the best part of the song anyway. Was recently introduced to this song..fell inlove with it straight away.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you
'Cause it gives and it takes away.

I guess you never really know if you're doing anything wrong. And the only way to find out is to do it.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking slut fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking sluttttt fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fat fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck lonely fuck fuck fuck fuck
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I need to concentrate on school right now. My current educational situation is fucked up. All I need to do is sort my shit out. Can I just have one thought without being interrupted by another?

I need some meaning I can memorize.
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.

But you, but you...

You write such pretty words,
But life's no storybook.
Love's an excuse to get hurt.
And to hurt.
Do you like to hurt?

Kaya Scodelario is the 2nd most Beautiful person next to Jessica Szohr.

5.15pm, Goodmorning. It's Tuesday..I hate Tuesdays and Sundays. Today i will sieze the day! Ruth is all about "SIEZING THE DAY" now. I've always wanted to go somewhere if it rained earlier in the day, which is great. Cause I've created a To-Do List. Keeps me busy. Also, my bestfriend will be leaving in a week..and returns only 6 weeks after. I will miss her during the miserable 6 weeks. I secretly know while she is gone, she will be worried for me...haha.

It feels much better to know that you won't feel a thing.

today i found something so true from a blog i read, and i quote: "I think majority of what I feel right now is pointless and a total waste of energy cause nothing can come out of ANYTHING. None of it. Space won’t heal, this I know for sure...False hope is no hope"


now i'm heading out, tie dye shirt on. with only one song playing in my head.. "every little thing's gonna be alright!". This optimism only lasts for about 2-3 hours...whywhyyyyywhyyy

7th March please come quick. you seem to be my only escape.

I am heaven sent,
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted..
What all the other girls all promised.

Alanis Morissette is a god. I wonder what was running through her mind when she was writing You Oughta Know. It is one badass songggg love it. c:

the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.

the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.

the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.

the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.

the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.

half is not whole.

but now we must make it so.

Almost 3 years of hardwork..but I never thought it would've come down to this. Kind of feels like how I put in 5 years of studying and got shit results. These disappointments. They drive you to the brink of fucking insanity. And now I'm just so burnt out..with no one to turn to at the end of the day. Because the frustration in letting the one you love leave is never knowing if they'll return. The waiting, the suspense, the what if's, and what could've been. But i guess it's just one fat Happy New Year. You work so hard just to get shit thrown in your face. You get fucked up heartless, selfish, inconsiderate adults screwing you over. I know what we did was for the right reasons, but it feels so wrong. And the only thought that i go over and over and over in my head is I Love You.

this is killing me. eyes, please shut. and mind, stop thinking.

Yeah yeah yeah's tomorrow, and Cat power the day after! *yes yes yes*

How I wish everything was simple
How I wish everything didn't end in lies
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
How I wish I could be more like me
When I didn't have to worry about myself
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

Flashback, twisted up
I'm so close to giving up
Don't Cry

Right now I am complicated
Right now I am giving this heart away
How I wish I could just keep turning back time
Right now I'm the walking wounded
Mind set on getting out alive
How I wish I could just keep turning back time

I should just let go
I should just let go

Forgive me if I cannot try any harder
You make it seem like everything I do means nothing at all
As complications go this can't get any sweeter
Don't Cry

"I was careful not to change you
But I kinda blamed you
For planning the future out
Was careful to trust you
But I know I ignored you
But you're what I cared about.
The planning stopped.

I was careful...

And it's my fault
My fault
My fault
The planning stopped."-Windmill.

I feel like i deserve to know everything...
But i can't decide what i hate more.
You.
Or what you've done to us.

and even as my blood is boiling and racing, there is nothing i can do

Without trust, you're lost.

i
am
lost

"Memories fade,
like looking through a fogged mirror
Decisions to decisions are made and not fought
But I thought,
this wouldn't hurt a lot.
I guess not."

I told you this song would be good for 2010.

I was suppose to get up with jackie an hour ago to send sarah off, but my best friend bailed on me. Then I ended up going for breakfast with my cousin. Had macs 3 days in a row already!! Decided to go for macs cause we didn't know if we could microwave a pao right from the fridge....but we found out soon after we did it and it came out of the microwave hard as a rock.It's been such a long time since i've actually had an actual person to talk to in the house. Besides my mum. And i need to get a job, everyone's starting school soon.

au revoir sarah! have a blast, you are the lucky few that managed to escape this terrible place for a long time. xo

will be getting my results in approx. 8 days.
But, fuck that shit. it's 2010


fun fact of 2010: Tash is the pyscho type of girlfriend.