two years ago you'd call me at this time. you'll listen to me complain about my day, comfort me
no tv, no laptop, just you on your hammock. Me on the phone. all your attention
right now you're out, you're happy. So i'm happy
tonight no one's answering my calls..and for the first time in a long time i feel lonely
the best part of my night used to be on the phone with you for hours..
now i speak to jackie for half an hour, you for twenty minutes.
"i love you.bye"
now the best part of my night is my pill, sends me into a daze..
weightless

i've excepted change, got over that a long time ago. But sometimes i miss..i shouldn't start, but you know which my fav year was. BUT. people change..time inevitable..i'll get by. This is me thinking. My sleeping pill is suppose to make me stop obsessing.
goodnight V

I think that we've got what it takes, to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way.
Whoa, whoa.
And our hearts are on The Everglow.
So just let go and fall into it.
We begin, breathe in.
Here's our chance to go for something.
Every action needs a reaction
we'll figure it out and make it happen

I've had 2 good days...it's so nice to just be with you.
I didn't quite want it to end. Now, I just need to make you see that we are good together

It's so much easier to have someone to blame,
someone with real feelings and real thoughts doing real actions.
I shouldn't, but i hate. loathe. despise.

I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marvelling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want

You fight for the one you love. You save the things you can.

& that is exactly what i'm doing.

Not losing this battle.

Not losing this war.

And every day

I pray to god

that you and me

were meant to be.

i'm only truely happy if i know he loves me so

Tonight my music is loud, it is to drown all my thoughts away...it's working
I shouldn't feel scared. I shouldn't, i shouldn't. because we will pull through. we have to. we always do.
If we don't what the fuck will i have left what the fuck will i have left

empty like how my stomach feels right now because i haven't been eating properly for days
anxiety attack i think. i should go to the doctors they can give me pills. good pills..to calm me.
I should start yoga again thats good you know keeping myself busy
i shouldnt have time to think if not something is wrong means i'm way to free
maybe i need to smoke teach me how to r o l l

dear god help please you may choose to ignore but this time i need all the help i can get because i feel like everything might leave me, and it would be nice if you were on my side(just this once)

i will break my own heart

Me being the most total fucktard, destroying everything i touch along the way....why can't i be perfect. Like the models in the magazines. They look fine, healthy. My body's been a total wreck i eat half a meal a day and i take in only liquids lately. Today i finally had time with nes c: tomorrow morning im going to be with him too c: I heard saosin's new album is good so im gonna check it out nowwww xx lately i've been talking to god, i told him he has no reason to answer any of my prayers. But i still prayed for me to work hard, and for time to fly..

What's love without a little hurt?

the best part of my week is when i go over, and crawl into your bed..you smell my hair, kiss me, and we sleep
(BUT THIS TIME BEFORE WE SLEEP, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU)

MANAGE ME. I'M A MESS. My whole week have been doing by crazily i've been so damn burnt out. My time table has been exams until 330(latest) i rush home for tuition until 6, and then i'm expected to study until i'm dead. But all i really want is to spend my time with one person...nes tells me hang in there, i'll be with him all the time when i'm done with my exam. That is one of my biggest challenge of all. Away from him for the longest time i feel the tug but its ok i will work hard and enjoy the fruits of my labour afterwards. hahaha about 2 more months until the torment is over BE STRONG& i've been having eating problems i can;t eat as much as i could...although im fucking hungry. body why must you break down nowwww itsnlkjgnsleiuthnlekjtnbsliruthns
maybe i should purposely act sick so nes will have no choice but to come and visit me at home!!!! hahaha i love you babe
im so happy on this cloud 9..oh please last forever, i've been a real spoiler lately and i cannot afford to destroy everything i touch

1150pm but i gotta head for my physics now..STAY GOLD
TO RUTH:
hey baby, i know this is probably one of the hardest times for you over there. but you know you will ALWAYS have Jackie, Nelle and me to talk to. always. dont give up yet, you are the most beautiful i know. be strong too ok? with love, from the little red dot
call me if anything I WILL BE YOUR ROCK

"My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I'd die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer."



nostalgic.

that's what you get when you let your heart win

this whole week I've been anticipating friday..I may be on my holiday right now but i swear TGIF. Tomorrow me and nes will be on the longest ride in the bus to his place but i always love it because he makes me listen to his favourite songs in his ipod (even though i resist again and again he sometimes shoves it in my ear still) Also, i will finally be able to finally relax in the company of all my good friends..I have finally accepted the nearness of my exams and the fact that i have almost 2 months to work my butt off. Not forgetting my tiny tiny cousin, Happy Birthday c:

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it.
(Anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling.)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet).
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true).
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows -
(Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
- and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart:

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Party all night and sleep all day, and throw of all my problems away..then life would be easy..easy..

But not in reality. In reality I got 3/4 left of my Biology to complete, and whole lit book to re-read. In reality, maths is going to be a bitch to even JUST pass. In reality i'm not sure if I can get an A1 for accounts anymore. Common Ruth and Nes kick my butt i need it. MAKE ME WORK! i need too so so so so badlyyyyyyyyy. Today i heard one of my uncle's going to Maldives for a holiday in December. I am sosossososososososososososososososososososo fucking jealous. I've always wanted to go there. ALWAYS the private glass huts in the middle of the ocean. I want it. $4000 for 6 days, i say totally worth it...omg and the drama happening here is crazy beyond belief..everyone needs to be cured